How to move on and be Inspired

So you have been through a rough patch for sometime and it seems like you are caught in a spiral downward, how do you then get out of it?

It can be as simple as a snap of the fingers or it could be slow journey back up. Either way, the focus is on getting out of that hole and back on solid ground.

One of the first things that can make a difference is to get clear with reality. Life as it REALLY is and not what we hoped or wished it was.

Take a moment, grab a pen and paper and write out all that you wished and hoped would have happened but didn’t. This is the area where all our emotion is stored. We can be angry or upset disappointed or hurt.
Now that you have that list, write beside it was is really there. The reality.

For some, realizing the truth can be hard. Perhaps some denial or not willing or ready to face it. In that case, you may be on the slow journey I spoke of. It’s beneficial to take your time and work on being willing to see reality. The willingness is where the power is. One day, you will be able to see it and at that point, you are ready to move on.

Once we see reality, for many, it can be liberating. Imagine worrying that you gained weight and for a long time you avoided the scale. Living in the idea of gaining weight and all the pain that comes with it. The moment you step on the scale and see what is reality, you can see that it is what it is. It’s a number. It is where you are really at and at this point you know where you are!

A powerful exercise can be to get complete with all that has happened in the past. So you wanted to lose 30 lbs but you lost 10 lbs instead. Instead of hanging onto the 20 lbs you didn’t lose, get complete with reality and what really happened. You lost 10 lbs. OR, if you gain weight. Ok. It happened. Now, it’s in the past. We can’t do anything about it, so instead of focusing on what we can’t change, change our focus to the future, on what we can change!

Knowing where you are at can having you see exactly where you want to be in the future. Welcome to goal setting.
**Be careful not to get attached to it being only one way or else. As soon as we don’t meet our expectations, we will be upset. Instead, look at it as a guideline.

Some ideas for goal setting could be:
* Fitting into an outfit
* Losing 4 inches around the waist
* Losing 10 lbs in 2 months
* Eating 1300 calories 6 days a week.
* Exercising 3 times a week.

Whatever it is, it should be simple, measurable, achievable, realistic and have a timeline. (SMART).

Now a myth to get through…

1. You don’t actually have to BE inspired or motivated to take action. I know. Being inspired and motivated makes everything SO much easier, but it isn’t necessary AT ALL.
EXAMPLE: I remember laying on the couch WITH my running shoes on, my running gear on and I was just laying there. One part of me was like “Get up. We have to go for that run” the other half was “But I don’t want too.” I was waiting for that feeling of wanting to run. I love running when I want too.
Then, it popped in my head that the ONLY thing that is stopping me from running was actually getting my BODY out that door. So, I got my body up and walked out the door. I walked for a bit then I just said “Start running! Do it” and then I started running. There was 0% inspiration and motivation. It was all just BEING IN ACTION.
As I started running, I got caught up in the music and the scenery and before I knew it, my run was done.
After the run, I felt great. I did it!

Now, if doing something without motivation or inspiration doesn’t light you up, there is an exercise that can plant the seed for inspiration to grow. It’s about declaration.

We can declare that as of this moment we are creating something NEW. Something we are not currently experiencing. If you are bored, sad and tired, declare fun, energy and happiness!

Then…just go about life BUT this time, LOOK for fun, energy and happiness. Sometimes you see it, other times it sneaks up on you. And before you know it, you are back on the path you want to be on and seeing the results you set out to achieve!

Almost Grown Up

We went to the mall today and put the kids in the play area for a bit and WOW…I really saw how much they have grown. My son is 4.5 now and he climbed to the tallest part with ease. My 2.5 year old could get up on the slippery bridge by herself. I actually didn’t even go in this time. It was a first for me to just watch them play without me.
It was kinda sad.
Pretty soon my son will be too tall and my daughter may not be interested.
Heaven knows they will want to hit the music store and Ardenes instead and my babies will no longer babies anymore.
I got a glimpse of why people say “They grow up before your eyes”.
Yes they just did. :(

Believe it to be True

I think I have a theory for life that checks out.

What if what we believe to be true is our reality?!

I looked at things that I thought were true.

  • Eating Cheesecake makes you fat
  • 2 year olds will have Tantrums
  • Being calm under pressure leads to objective thinking
  • Knowing what is in your bank account will ease your mind

AND, there are people who disagree with what I believe and there are others who have their own beliefs that work for them.
So what if we are not supposed to compare our beliefs? One is not better than the other. They are different and that is OK.

Telling someone their belief is wrong would then be a silly notion since we have no authority over the others view. We can allow others to be free to be.

At the same time, we can look to others beliefs as other alternative views that may work better for us BUT only if we believe it to be true.

If I want to lose weight and someone tells me that eating only fruit will help me lose weight, it’s not the fruit itself that will do the trick. The secret is only IF I believe it to be true and follow through.

So next time something isn’t working for us, take a look at the beliefs we have associated with it. If we can adjust those, a new view and life will emerge!

Excuse me while I meditate to believe that my 2-year-old isn’t in the terrible twos and that my 4-year-old isn’t a picky eater :)

A 4 year old’s Wish List

image

“Mommy. Can I cut out all these pictures of Thomas the train and put them on my wall as a wish list?”
It was a great idea. We grabbed the poster board, glue and scissors and before long, we had a very large wish list.
“What is a wish list?” I asked him.
“You put things you want on a wall then you get it!”
It was so perfect. I’ve had great fun in the past with vision boards and loved seeing items come to realty.
I had one slight hesitation. I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. And then I caught myself. What? I noticed I didn’t trust that vision boards worked. Wow. Interesting.
In all the years I’ve done them, I always had to put aside my doubts and I almost told my son that his wish list may not come true.
I bit my tongue and said “I know mommy and daddy won’t be buying you all these toys (had to get that on the table) but you never know how you will get these”
We continued to tape them on his wall and we left it at that.
A week later…Yes…7 days later, my husband came home from his mom’s place. She was packing to move. He said that his mom gave the kids some toys.
And I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Yup. A bag full of Thomas the train train toys. Of course.

my doubt has lessened even more. I’m a believer. Now I better get working on my wish list!
image

Life is like a Whiteboard

Today was a rough day for myself and my 4-year-old son. He’s been sensitive and very attached to how life should go for him. He cried when I said “No, we are not going to McDonald’s”. He got upset and frustrated when we left the pet store. It was just one upsetting thing after another and I was so tired being in that energy.

We got home and the energy shifted to a positive one when daddy got home. He was able to field our son and give me a break.
I walked into the kitchen and found them both doodling on our big whiteboard. Beautifully drawn rainbow and letters our son is learning in preschool. A work of art. And with one little flick of motion, a part of the whiteboard artwork was erased. And our son was upset once again.

It was then that I saw the life lesson. We want the great things to remain untouched forever yet life is like a Whiteboard. Things are not meant to be the same. Life is forever changing. The present gets wiped away and becomes our past. The only way we can savour it is to remember it or take a photo. The Whiteboard is wiped clean. Our future is ready for anything and everything. We hold the marker. We get to say what is drawn on it.

So often we want to re-create what was on the board before. It will never be quite the same. And even if we do our best, we are really just comparing it to how it used to be and not cherishing it for the new thing that it really is.

Instead of being upset that the board gets erased over and over again, we can have fun cleaning up the board and starting new and discovering what else is possible.

I found a great access to explain to my son how we can enjoy life a bit more. We are going to draw amazing things on our white board and have even more enjoyment wiping it away and getting ready for the next beautiful creation.

And my lesson for myself is that what was a tough day and turned into a great day knowing I now have access to assisting my little guy through this crazy thing called life.

A Mom’s Story that shook me up

As a mom, it would be my worst fear. Hearing a doctor say you only have months to live. For one woman, it was her story.
Heather is her name and just 3 months after giving birth, her doctors diagnosed her with a form of Cancer. Pleural Mesothelioma. She only had 15 months to live.

heather-familyMy heart sinks at the idea of not being there for my kids, husband or the rest of my family. When I read Heather’s story, I connected with her because, like me, I wouldn’t back down and give up. No. Heather did the opposite. She said no way and did all she could to live a long and healthy life for herself, her family and her daughter! She is now 7 years Cancer-free! Every mom’s dream come true.

Thank you Heather for reminding me of the power we have to be strong and powerful in the face of any circumstance. And to have me look at how blessed I am to have a healthy family. I’m slowing down a bit and letting my gratitude sink in.

Sharing your story has a ripple effect that is far reached than you can see.

Click here to read Heather’s story.

I’m Sorry for Saying Sorry

It’s been my issue. I say sorry even when it’s not appropriate. For years, I was unconscious about it. Then about 7 years ago, someone mentioned it to me and I noticed just how often those 2 words were spoken.
I’d be sorry for bumping into people or if they were upset. I’d be sorry if I did something by accident. I was just sorry. all. the. time.
I know why I do it. It’s because I don’t like the feeling of conflict in the air. When people are happy around me, I am happy.
But the real issue is that it’s unrealistic. People can’t be happy all the time. I’m certainly not. I have my moments.
Fast forward 7 years and I know those words sometimes pass my lips. But further and farther between. I will say “excuse me” instead, which often is more appropriate. If I bump someone or if I need to get around someone. But I know, when times are tense, I will echo “I’m Sorry”, in hopes that it will allow peace to seep in. It seems like a small sacrifice for a bigger pay off.

But, about 2 days ago, my 2-year-old daughter was playing with her dolls by herself and I heard those same words. “I’m sorry” she tells her doll. Then, as she is passing the dog, she says it again. “I’m sorry”.
Maybe most people would just pass it off like it’s no big deal. And may be it isn’t. I just know I’ve never heard my 4-year-old son say those words. And there is my sweet, innocent little girl being sorry for nothing.
She need not be sorry for anything.
And neither should I.

I am practicing the art of embracing conflict. Not being sorry that it is happening around me. Being strong and powerful in knowing that conflict is just another emotion and there is nothing to be sorry for. I have a bigger purpose to fulfill now. My daughters confidence and power is not to be messed with!

Category: Zen Time  One Comment

What is Better than Best?

pauloI have days like today where I really have to say to myself “I am doing my very best”. It has a hint of “please let this day be over” and “give me a break”. But I also had an ‘A-HA’ moment after I shut the car door, looked up to the other preschool mama’s who were waiting for the class doors to open and said “I am SO done!”.

The A-HA was that in my “I am doing my best”, there was another part of me that knew it was a lie. I was really just so frustrated and done with dealing with what was on my plate at that moment. I wasn’t prepared to give up and I wasn’t going too. I dropped my son at preschool and knew I had one more thing to do. I was going to create how the REST of my day was going to go. Create, meaning, invent something different so I don’t end up with more of the same.

I created having a great swim with my daughter and to connect fully with her with ease and fun. Then, we were going to pick up my son after and go for a bike ride and let off more steam. We had a Halloween craft to finish up and bedtime would come.
Now that was an evening I could look forward too.
And, not surprising to me, we had a great rest of the afternoon and evening. (Just don’t get my started on bed time. We are still ‘creating’ in that department).

So, next time we find ourselves just ‘doing our best’, take a deep breath and create something new instead…something BETTER!

Saying Good Bye to Possibility

I’m going in for a Tubal Ligation tomorrow. No more babies for us. It has been that way since baby number 2 and we have both been on board with that decision and quite fine with it.
9 months ago, though, we had an “what the” moment when I found out I was pregnant. It was a shock to say the least. We were not planning on it and took good measures to ensure it wouldn’t happen. But, we were the 1 in 100 that got pregnant with an IUD. It had us really confront life with 3 children and all that came with it. There are 2 very real feelings. Number 1, it’s a child. So of course we were happy. Number 2 was more fact based. We have no room at this Inn, we would need to move, 3 car seats in my car, money, college, argh!
But, life has it’s weird ways of delivering us our lessons and answers.
We unfortunately lost the pregnancy and over time, came back to our reality of 2 children.
Funny thing though, it wasn’t the same.
There is this spirit that is present. A little “don’t forget me” feeling. Not that I will be able to forget. A little piece of my heart crumbled that day.
So, even though we had no plans for baby #3, we lived 10 weeks with the possibility of it being so.

If we had never had been pregnant that 3rd time, I would be going in for day surgery with little on my mind but
that 10 weeks of possibility of baby #3 was enough to have tomorrow be a sad day for me.

Closure can be hard. I am aware of this now. Saying good bye to something that will never be. The sooner I can grasp life as it really is the sooner I will experience freedom.

Why Mommy?

I have been heavy in the “Why?” stage with my 4-year-old. It seems like he has asked me “Why?” to life a million times a day for the past 365 days. It’s exhausting and challenging too.
I read that preschoolers ask “Why” 420 times a day…really? that’s it? I’m sure it’s more but I’m to tired to even want to count.
What I notice is that I am very committed to answering his questions truthfully and in a way he understands. I see that he really is working hard to understanding his world around him. But I also notice that I am committed to answering him to the degree that I can tolerate the cycle.

Why? isn’t just a one time question. Once I explain my well worded answer, he is right there with the next “Why” for which I go down the rabbit hole and answer as well. Then I’m met with another Why…you get the picture.

What is fascinating for me is that he and I will go at the “Why Game” for quite a while and it ended in just a few ways.

1. “Because I said so” – This is when he is challenging my authority or questioning the rules to life that don’t suit is wishes. “Why can I not have a popsicle before bed?” – “Because I said so” after I explain how sugar isn’t great for the body and on and on.

2. “God” “Spirit” “Universe” – When we are not talking about the man-made rules but in the mysterious beauty of life, nature, people, feelings or beings, the conversation drifts to the mystery of life that we all are seeking. Some have found comfort in religion and others have found it in spirituality. And some just leave it up to the unknown. I wish to keep this space sacred for my kids to explore. I love telling him what many people think it could be and how he reacts to the answer.
What I have learned is that the mystery of life has the “Why?” question be endless.

When we can’t find an answer that satisfies us, we will keep asking the question, why?.

And when we do find an answer that satisfies us, I hope we still take time to ask “Why” to it…