Dying With Dignity

We knew the time was coming but we are still never really prepared. She was getting older. Her hearing was zero to none, her eyesight was questionable. Our family dog was getting older.

Having had pets all growing up, one thing was always present. We knew, at the end of their life, our precious pet would not have to suffer. We knew we always had the option to take our animal to our Vet and they would be able to provide them immediate comfort and have their final moments surrounded by those who love them and feeling nothing but bliss.

It is a gift, actually. One that is provided to our loved ones but actually not ALL our loved ones.

One thing that stands out for me on the day our dog turned for the worse was how quickly our dog began to suffer. Panting, overheating, vomiting. Our kids were there. I woke up to her in pain. By the time I made arrangements and got our dog into see the vet, a couple long and excruciating hours had passed. I felt the pressure to help her quickly. Get the pain over with soon. From the time we woke up until the time we said our last good-bye, it had been hours.

But, what breaks my heart, is that there are millions of people, family members, someones parent or loved one, is in incredible pain as well. Dying slowly. Instead of running around in a panic to provide immediate comfort to our dying loved one who is ready and wanting to die, they have to sit by and watch them suffer. Medicine can only do so much for comfort. Often at the expense of someones alertness. Our loved one is no longer the same person we once knew and remembered.

Day after day, it gets harder to remember who they really were, instead, we see them slowly withering away.

It is 2014. People have many rights. To vote, free speech, education. All are in place to have us safe, honoured and free. Where we are not free and honoured is when we know we are dying. We have given more honour and dignity to our animals than we have to our family.

This needs to change.

A handful of progressive European countries have taken the lead and allow people to Die with Dignity. Even part of Canada, Quebec, has passed the bill to allow Quebec residents the right to die. It works.
Now we just need the rest of Canada to have the same rights.
The Right to die with Dignity.

Incredible Marriage Advice

love_is_on_the_air_311635Below is a great response when asked for Marriage advice.

**Source: Reddit**

1. Always communicate. When you are going through hard times that’s when you have to communicate the most. Even when it’s painful. Talking to each other will save you so many times. Promise to never call each other names. Make sure you talk about money early and often – don’t let things get swept under the rug.

2. Think about marriage differently than most people. Being married is actually a huge responsibility because you have such a big impact on your partner in each and every way. Be gentle with the other being you are with, you hold their heart in your hands. As a couple you are stronger together than you are apart, and you can kind of see potential in your partner others might not see. So you push each other to be better. If that makes sense.

3. Remember that you control how your family and friends see your partner. You choose how you represent them to your family. Go out of your way to make them look good, tell your mom about the nice things they do, not the crap that you get annoyed by. Tell your friends how great he/she is. Now, if your partner does something dumb in front of them…you can’t control that, but for god’s sake don’t say things that devalue them in your family’s eyes.

4. Pick one person you really trust and get counsel and advice about your marriage if you are going through hard times. Ask long married friends for advice.
Never do anything you can’t tell your partner about. And conversely if someone tries to flirt with you at work/ restaurant/ store don’t flirt back and make sure you tell your partner about what happened. This will keep you honest. Don’t share emotional things with members of the same sex…that’s how you fall in love with someone over time, by sharing things. So make sure you mainly share really emotional things w/ your wife or husband.
Don’t cheat. If you want to leave then leave, but don’t betray your SO.

5. Share housework. Many women today feel pretty shitty about their partners because they never even try to clean anything. Ever. So don’t be that person. Split it, even if you have to write it on a big white board so you can remember.

6. Don’t expect him to read your mind. If you really want flowers on Valentine’s day then ask him for them. Again circle back to communication.

7. Help your partner stay connected with his/her family. Most guys aren’t the best at this so you can subtly help. Make sure your husband takes his mom out to lunch alone every month or so. She probably loves you, but he’s her son and let them connect and spend time together without you. I also buy my guy cards for family events, holidays, bdays. It’s not that he doesn’t care he just hates finding cards like that.

8. Over time the small things will bother you less, but don’t let that make you complacent about your SO. Never be so arrogant as to think that you know them completely. They change over time, so you have to get to know them over and over again. Reconnect with them often.

9. Never use sex as a tool to get what you want. That’s immature (instead communicate! and then have sex). Have sex often and learn how to do it well! It’s not rocket science. I actually went off the pill (after talking about it) and everything changed. I had some crappy effects of the pill, just FYI. Have sex regularly, it will keep you connected, and it’s fun. If sex isn’t good, talk about it!

10. In your marriage you’ll go from enemies, friends to lovers over and over again. You’ll always come back around to lovers if you communicate and keep having sex.

11. Don’t let your parents or friends fuck with/ meddle in your marriage. If they need to butt out then you need to have the balls to tell them so.

12. Have fun together. Do thoughtful things for your SO. Be silly, tease each other.

Hidden Gem of Life

This weekend was a great time for my husband and I. Together without our two kids. Time for ourselves. I felt such peace not feeling needed every minute of the day. No need to referee 2 little kids. It was adult time. What a blessing.

One comment my husband made to me, that really hit me what that I let him Be. He shared how it freed him up to just be with whatever he was going through. Good and Bad. I took that to heart because it’s something I’ve consciously done. It wasn’t by accident.

I’ve taken The Landmark Forum which has shown me so many gems in my life. But by far, the one that has made the biggest difference in all my relationships, is to LET PEOPLE BE. Just be themselves. Like…. REALLY be themselves. Even those who are a certain way that I don’t really care for. (LOL).

We all have ways we wish others would be and could be. Heavens, we know it will help them. Why be angry when you can just calm down and be peaceful??
But if we truly let someone BE the way they are…angry, hurt, sad, silly, weird, loud, quiet, shy, etc. THEY will get to experience freedom, and so will everyone around them.

Here is the part that I think makes it so important. It’s the experience of what it is like when we are NOT able to just be ourselves. The judgment, resentment, bullying, shunning, shaming, suppressing. The list can go on and one. We have ALL felt it. We ALL know it is not a good feeling and still we continue to not let others be.

So many tragedies lately. Mass shootings, bullying, shaming and people committing suicide. What do they ALL have in common. They all were not able to JUST BE. They were suppressed. Likely it began when they were little. Slowly, over time, it builds and builds. Not being managed and unable to express themselves safely. I’m not condemning what they did. Heck NO. But I see an access to a difference we can make with people NOW. One person at a time.

The other side of this is being responsible for how we feel when we are NOT being allowed to Be. We have an idea and it gets shut down. We are rejected by someone we care about. We are cut off in traffic. How do we handle this? What safe outlet do we have to ensure we can let go of anger and not have it spill onto other areas of life.

It all boils down to being responsible for our OWN actions and way of being. The more we practice, the easier it gets. Soon, there is no one in traffic that triggers us because all we see are card driving to their destination. Some will sneak in without a signal light. That’s all.

Mommy Time Out

I just yelled at my precious child. Things I never could imagine when he was born. But here I am, amongst the millions of mom’s who hang their head in shame over not being able to control my emotions in every moment of my life.

I also couldn’t fathom he would grab the water hose from outside and bring it in the house with the hose turned on!
The first “raising of my voice” was just the panic of all that water in the house. It was logic. The sooner we get it turned off the less water in thr house.
But then when he started laughing, yup, I lost it.
I may have to apologize to my neighborhood for likely being over the noise bylaw.
I guess it’s not about the water in the house.
It’s about how I wish I was a mom that could be in control at all times. I wish I could just address things as they happen and get to thr heart of it “no water in the house please. Thank you” “ok mommy. Love you”

But the bigger picture is that I will likely be triggered again and yell.
So, until I become enlightened, I will snap out of my trigger and go to my son and do exactly what I always ask him to do when he hurts his sister.
I will apologize for my behavior and be responsible for my actions and keep working on my triggers so they become less and less.
After all, it’s what I want him to master too.

How to move on and be Inspired

So you have been through a rough patch for sometime and it seems like you are caught in a spiral downward, how do you then get out of it?

It can be as simple as a snap of the fingers or it could be slow journey back up. Either way, the focus is on getting out of that hole and back on solid ground.

One of the first things that can make a difference is to get clear with reality. Life as it REALLY is and not what we hoped or wished it was.

Take a moment, grab a pen and paper and write out all that you wished and hoped would have happened but didn’t. This is the area where all our emotion is stored. We can be angry or upset disappointed or hurt.
Now that you have that list, write beside it was is really there. The reality.

For some, realizing the truth can be hard. Perhaps some denial or not willing or ready to face it. In that case, you may be on the slow journey I spoke of. It’s beneficial to take your time and work on being willing to see reality. The willingness is where the power is. One day, you will be able to see it and at that point, you are ready to move on.

Once we see reality, for many, it can be liberating. Imagine worrying that you gained weight and for a long time you avoided the scale. Living in the idea of gaining weight and all the pain that comes with it. The moment you step on the scale and see what is reality, you can see that it is what it is. It’s a number. It is where you are really at and at this point you know where you are!

A powerful exercise can be to get complete with all that has happened in the past. So you wanted to lose 30 lbs but you lost 10 lbs instead. Instead of hanging onto the 20 lbs you didn’t lose, get complete with reality and what really happened. You lost 10 lbs. OR, if you gain weight. Ok. It happened. Now, it’s in the past. We can’t do anything about it, so instead of focusing on what we can’t change, change our focus to the future, on what we can change!

Knowing where you are at can having you see exactly where you want to be in the future. Welcome to goal setting.
**Be careful not to get attached to it being only one way or else. As soon as we don’t meet our expectations, we will be upset. Instead, look at it as a guideline.

Some ideas for goal setting could be:
* Fitting into an outfit
* Losing 4 inches around the waist
* Losing 10 lbs in 2 months
* Eating 1300 calories 6 days a week.
* Exercising 3 times a week.

Whatever it is, it should be simple, measurable, achievable, realistic and have a timeline. (SMART).

Now a myth to get through…

1. You don’t actually have to BE inspired or motivated to take action. I know. Being inspired and motivated makes everything SO much easier, but it isn’t necessary AT ALL.
EXAMPLE: I remember laying on the couch WITH my running shoes on, my running gear on and I was just laying there. One part of me was like “Get up. We have to go for that run” the other half was “But I don’t want too.” I was waiting for that feeling of wanting to run. I love running when I want too.
Then, it popped in my head that the ONLY thing that is stopping me from running was actually getting my BODY out that door. So, I got my body up and walked out the door. I walked for a bit then I just said “Start running! Do it” and then I started running. There was 0% inspiration and motivation. It was all just BEING IN ACTION.
As I started running, I got caught up in the music and the scenery and before I knew it, my run was done.
After the run, I felt great. I did it!

Now, if doing something without motivation or inspiration doesn’t light you up, there is an exercise that can plant the seed for inspiration to grow. It’s about declaration.

We can declare that as of this moment we are creating something NEW. Something we are not currently experiencing. If you are bored, sad and tired, declare fun, energy and happiness!

Then…just go about life BUT this time, LOOK for fun, energy and happiness. Sometimes you see it, other times it sneaks up on you. And before you know it, you are back on the path you want to be on and seeing the results you set out to achieve!

Almost Grown Up

We went to the mall today and put the kids in the play area for a bit and WOW…I really saw how much they have grown. My son is 4.5 now and he climbed to the tallest part with ease. My 2.5 year old could get up on the slippery bridge by herself. I actually didn’t even go in this time. It was a first for me to just watch them play without me.
It was kinda sad.
Pretty soon my son will be too tall and my daughter may not be interested.
Heaven knows they will want to hit the music store and Ardenes instead and my babies will no longer babies anymore.
I got a glimpse of why people say “They grow up before your eyes”.
Yes they just did. :(

Believe it to be True

I think I have a theory for life that checks out.

What if what we believe to be true is our reality?!

I looked at things that I thought were true.

  • Eating Cheesecake makes you fat
  • 2 year olds will have Tantrums
  • Being calm under pressure leads to objective thinking
  • Knowing what is in your bank account will ease your mind

AND, there are people who disagree with what I believe and there are others who have their own beliefs that work for them.
So what if we are not supposed to compare our beliefs? One is not better than the other. They are different and that is OK.

Telling someone their belief is wrong would then be a silly notion since we have no authority over the others view. We can allow others to be free to be.

At the same time, we can look to others beliefs as other alternative views that may work better for us BUT only if we believe it to be true.

If I want to lose weight and someone tells me that eating only fruit will help me lose weight, it’s not the fruit itself that will do the trick. The secret is only IF I believe it to be true and follow through.

So next time something isn’t working for us, take a look at the beliefs we have associated with it. If we can adjust those, a new view and life will emerge!

Excuse me while I meditate to believe that my 2-year-old isn’t in the terrible twos and that my 4-year-old isn’t a picky eater :)

A 4 year old’s Wish List

image

“Mommy. Can I cut out all these pictures of Thomas the train and put them on my wall as a wish list?”
It was a great idea. We grabbed the poster board, glue and scissors and before long, we had a very large wish list.
“What is a wish list?” I asked him.
“You put things you want on a wall then you get it!”
It was so perfect. I’ve had great fun in the past with vision boards and loved seeing items come to realty.
I had one slight hesitation. I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. And then I caught myself. What? I noticed I didn’t trust that vision boards worked. Wow. Interesting.
In all the years I’ve done them, I always had to put aside my doubts and I almost told my son that his wish list may not come true.
I bit my tongue and said “I know mommy and daddy won’t be buying you all these toys (had to get that on the table) but you never know how you will get these”
We continued to tape them on his wall and we left it at that.
A week later…Yes…7 days later, my husband came home from his mom’s place. She was packing to move. He said that his mom gave the kids some toys.
And I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Yup. A bag full of Thomas the train train toys. Of course.

my doubt has lessened even more. I’m a believer. Now I better get working on my wish list!
image

Category: Zen Time  One Comment

Life is like a Whiteboard

Today was a rough day for myself and my 4-year-old son. He’s been sensitive and very attached to how life should go for him. He cried when I said “No, we are not going to McDonald’s”. He got upset and frustrated when we left the pet store. It was just one upsetting thing after another and I was so tired being in that energy.

We got home and the energy shifted to a positive one when daddy got home. He was able to field our son and give me a break.
I walked into the kitchen and found them both doodling on our big whiteboard. Beautifully drawn rainbow and letters our son is learning in preschool. A work of art. And with one little flick of motion, a part of the whiteboard artwork was erased. And our son was upset once again.

It was then that I saw the life lesson. We want the great things to remain untouched forever yet life is like a Whiteboard. Things are not meant to be the same. Life is forever changing. The present gets wiped away and becomes our past. The only way we can savour it is to remember it or take a photo. The Whiteboard is wiped clean. Our future is ready for anything and everything. We hold the marker. We get to say what is drawn on it.

So often we want to re-create what was on the board before. It will never be quite the same. And even if we do our best, we are really just comparing it to how it used to be and not cherishing it for the new thing that it really is.

Instead of being upset that the board gets erased over and over again, we can have fun cleaning up the board and starting new and discovering what else is possible.

I found a great access to explain to my son how we can enjoy life a bit more. We are going to draw amazing things on our white board and have even more enjoyment wiping it away and getting ready for the next beautiful creation.

And my lesson for myself is that what was a tough day and turned into a great day knowing I now have access to assisting my little guy through this crazy thing called life.

A Mom’s Story that shook me up

As a mom, it would be my worst fear. Hearing a doctor say you only have months to live. For one woman, it was her story.
Heather is her name and just 3 months after giving birth, her doctors diagnosed her with a form of Cancer. Pleural Mesothelioma. She only had 15 months to live.

heather-familyMy heart sinks at the idea of not being there for my kids, husband or the rest of my family. When I read Heather’s story, I connected with her because, like me, I wouldn’t back down and give up. No. Heather did the opposite. She said no way and did all she could to live a long and healthy life for herself, her family and her daughter! She is now 7 years Cancer-free! Every mom’s dream come true.

Thank you Heather for reminding me of the power we have to be strong and powerful in the face of any circumstance. And to have me look at how blessed I am to have a healthy family. I’m slowing down a bit and letting my gratitude sink in.

Sharing your story has a ripple effect that is far reached than you can see.

Click here to read Heather’s story.